was blind, but now i sleep

sometimes i find myself wondering if i'm awake. i'm watching gilmore girls at 2:30 AM. my brain is locked on to its natural wandering path, and sometimes i would like to go to a dance. today: by my normal standards, an interesting day. i'm thinking. things are weird. i'm kinda... i'm not sure. i'd like to make a girl's head foggy.

its interesting to see the way people contradict themselves. myself included. who am i to talk about being fearless? i'm meak and meager, not because i choose to be, but because i'm scared outta my mind. i pray against fear. i pray for courage and strength surpassing that of men. my heart is made of lead. it sinks whenever it so much as drizzles on my dirt. the slightest thing can send my heart skyrocketing. and the slightest thing can put my heart underneath feet of quicksand.

she can snap me without moving a finger.

p.s. i ____ you

this is when you can tell that i'm tired. the wiring in my brain scrambles, and words start pouring out of my every pore. this blog is essentially my sponge.

today's word of the day: fearless. definition: to be so trusting in God that fear no longer has a place to stand. not even a little ledge to clutch with its fingers at its platform recedes. dare i venture that far into territory so frightening? what makes it frightening? i have no reason to fear. I HAVE NO REASON TO FEAR! if it weren't 3:30 in the morning, i would shout that. but as far as venturing goes, i'll don my safari cap and khakis. i'll read up on the uses of a sword. and i'll be enfolded in a shield (not a fence, mind you). but i reckon the only way to shut the shield off will be for me to let the enemy in.

Proverbs 28

1 The wicked man flees though no one pursues,
but the righteous are as bold as a lion.

you know how tough a lion is? tougher than a bag of nails. that's pretty. darn. tough.

this blog shall ever be know as the semi-unfinished blog. i've gotta sleep.

i'm goin on a bkie ride tomorrow mornin.

the words aren't coming

i'm not really sure what to do right now.
i'm not quite immobilized, but i am unsure, and that's almost like having ropes around my legs. and tape across my mouth. but quite there though. i need to learn how to depend on leadership and, in turn, how to truly lead. i think that i need scissors. but scissors don't work very well to chop down fences. then again, there's no harm in trying, and if the fences are thin enough then i'll have not too bad a time of it. but if they're impenetrable, do i look for an ax? do i pass the scissors along? do i hold on to them until the fences age and become brittle? do i dig underneath the fences? why are there so many options.

put simply i wish i could speed up time a couple weeks.