induced by something like despair and ee cummings

the i
is far less
than the Thou
in length
in being
in LOVE

the i
is far less
than the Thou

the i
is in the
TH(i)OU

the i
is fragmented
shattered
casting fragmented light

the Thou
is the light

Lord God
You are the light
break my body
in ways which cast your light
as colors as beautiful
as everything
that is not
human

Lord G-d
is the dash
in your title
a sign of our respect?
a sign of our fear?
is it a sign of our love?
is love afraid to call
itself by its title?
should i be wary of
defaming your name
by being bound to you?

LORD GOD
i believe that you are holy
and i believe that you are good
but how do you allow there to be
an eternal place for the evil?
will hell be flooded with your cleansing rain?
the i is not even large enough
to understand the THOU
is it?

it's out of reach
with my arms outstretched
i still can't reach
on His shoulders
my fingers touch

what striking grace surrounds me
twisting through the air
like the water that i breathe

what striking grace surrounds me
flowing through my veins
and pouring out my eyes

collects in pools
of deepest color

my real skin
only shows in the rain
(and falls when i dry)

a poem

i wrote this a couple of months ago, and stumbled across it the other night, and wrote the second stanza (that's more history than you needed to know, alas). i actually like this poem, and want to share it, which is unusual.

the constellations are close
to the ground
begging to be recognized
but i still can't see them
you're closer than i know
the city lights are stars
and the lack of them is sky

the boulders are crumbling
but their singing sounds
as loud as ever

on a more update-ish note:
i've begun to bike. today, i conquered two and three quarters hills. which felt good. it's like having a car, which is nice. i stepped in to the class room for the first time in two years on tuesday, it's refreshing (praise God!). and, if anybody would like to throw a macbook and/or a sail boat my way, i would not be upset but that. i found this picture on flickr and i like it a lot.

i've got fear

i have a well
in me
the water
is deep

i've got fear
and it tries
to eat me
and the water
flows and
completes me

i have holes
in me
filled with nothing
i pray that
they be full

i watched across the universe. it was ok. not as great as it was cracked up to be. but that's how alot of things are isn't it?

i've been reading "Searching For God Knows What" by donald miller. it's good so far. my problem is that i can't remember what about it makes it good, nor can i recall what God's said to me through it. i've come to another realization lately as well. i'm bad, no, terrible, at retaianing anything God speaks to me, and as a result of that, i feel like He doesn't, but then i remember that he does and i just have no idea what he says.

on another note, i had a rad experience with a homeless guy the other day. for the first time in my life, i ate dinner with a homeless man. he was a bit drunk. but it was rad to come together (with tim and jala) around this guy. just to encourage him and offer him help in any way we could. it's definately something that i'd like to do again, and i hope that i have the faith to do so on my own. so here's a big think you to timothy j buskey, for helping to bring that about.

those things said, i have nothing else to say,
i love you,
jake.

i want to feel in debt to grace.

lately i've wondered if i'm honestly alive.
and honestly, i can't say that i know i am.
i don't feel like i feel anything.
but i laugh a lot.

honesty is a hard thing.
a hard hard thing.
so is being willing to depend on something that i can only see as a leaf blowing.

maybe that leaf blows the way it does for a reason.
maybe i'm dead, inside, outside, both?
i want to be awake.
i want to feel everything.
i want to understand everything.
i want to cry.

that's my prayer.
i want to see more than a leaf move.
i want my life to be active faith.
opposed to:
passive
blind
boring faith.

I WANT TO BE ALIVE

so badly. i want even to hurt.

i want to feel in debt to grace.